Last Thursday, whilst sitting at my computer daydreaming about cheeseburgers, I received an email from someone at “The Daily Mail.” Because I was busy daydreaming about the aforementioned cheeseburgers, it caught me off guard. It said the following:
—–Original Message—–
On 17 Oct 2013, at 11:26, Amy Oliver wrote:
Hi Arnab,
I’m a writer at the Mail On Sunday and am getting in touch about TV series “Trinity.” Expect you have seen the news story today about Cressida Bonas appearing dressed as Supergirl during that cheerleading scene in episode 4?
Here it is if not: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2463162/Cressida-Bonas-Prince-Harrys-girlfriend-filmed-tacky-ITV2-drama-Trinity.html
I’m trying to identify the other girls who danced with her and get a few
quotes from actors who starred in the show, what was it like, why didn’t it carry on, etc. Would you be up for having a quick phone chat today?
Let me know what you think.
Best,
Amy Oliver
Features writer
Mail On Sunday
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I hadn’t seen the story, and I don’t know why she assumed I would have. Like most normal humans, I try to avoid the tabloid news as much as possible, and other than what is on the BBC News website, I’m actually frighteningly ignorant about what the hell is happening in the world. Anyhow, apparently this Cressida Bonas person was dating Prince Harry, and they wanted the dirt on her. My initial instinct was to tell her to go f*ck herself and to get a real job, but I decided against it, and decided to just ignore her instead. After showing her email to my friend, however, he suggested I write her an email that simply said the following:
“I have pictures. How much?”
This would give us an insight into how much they would be willing to fork up. After all, this story pertained to the Royal Family. The holy grail of British Tabloid news. I was tempted to do so, but I also didn’t want to justify her existence by replying. Later that night, however, some other friends of mine also said this was too good of an opportunity to pass up, and that I needed to write something to her.
I decided, therefore, to take the “flirty” route:
—–Original Message—–
On 17 October 2013, at 19:38, Arnab Chanda wrote:
Hi, where you from?
xxx
Sent from my iPhone
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I thought, perhaps naively, that despite our political differences, that maybe we would meet up and that sparks would fly, just like in the movies. We’d be one of those couples that had tons of chemistry but never talked about our beliefs with one another because it would invariably lead to friction. In my head, it was hot. Unsurprisingly, however, she did not pick up on my flirty-ness, and replied with the following:
—–Original Message—–
On 17 Oct 2013, at 20:52, Amy Oliver wrote:
Hi,
Am from the Mail on Sunday. Are you around for a quick phone chat tomorrow morning? Just want to talk about your turn on Trinity. Email me your number and I’ll give you a tinkle.
Best,
Amy Oliver
Features writer
Mail On Sunday
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A tinkle?? I decided to permanently ignore this idiot, and went on with my life. The next morning, however, another email from her popped up in my inbox:
—–Original Message—–
On Fri, 18/10/13, at 11:47, Amy Oliver wrote:
Hi Arnab,
Is it possible to have a quick chat about Trinity today?
Thanks!
Amy Oliver
Features writer
Mail On Sunday
——————————-
Despite my wishes that she disappear from my life, she didn’t. So I wrote the following:
—–Original Message—–
On 18 October 2013, at 11:53, Arnab Chanda wrote:
my reply was a joke reply.
good luck.
Sent from my iPhone
——————————
She replied:
—–Original Message—–
On Fri, 18/10/13, at, 12:00, Amy Oliver wrote:
Thanks. That’s really helpful.
Amy Oliver
Features writer
Mail On Sunday
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I replied:
—–Original Message—–
On Friday, 18 October, 2013, at 12:06, Arnab Chanda wrote:
no probs. you guys are doing god’s work over there.
Sent from my iPhone
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She did not reply back, and I was happy. And so ended my adventure with the woman at “The Daily Mail.” And I learned the following: being sarcastic and honest with these pricks is very satisfying. Her real name, by the way, is not Amy Oliver. Or is it…? It is. Write her if you wish, it’s a free country. But please do not tell her I sent you. I want nothing to do with anyone who uses the word “tinkle.” What a creep.
Arnab Chanda is a producer/writer/actor.
Follow Arnab on Twitter! @arnabacus
Check out his Website: http://www.arnabchanda.com
Arnab Chanda 